The damn SUP can't even make decent support for the new standard AtomPub protocol, so I could comfortably post from the Windows Live Writer client. But this won't stop me, just so you know, you embezzlers of Mamut's money!
Something else might stop me though – it's been over a month since my trip, and recalling the details is not easy. But I'll try, good thing I've fueled up on some cold soup. I made it from yesterday's bagged vegetables (stewed peas and carrots), Chinese cabbage, a store-bought can of pickled beets, cucumbers, yellow and hot peppers. I poured homemade yogurt and water over it all.
Now that, following the worst traditions of trash blogs, I have informed you of what pisses me off and what I ate, we can finally proceed to the narrative.
Americans, in case anyone isn't aware, really love ready-made and processed food. Many nations eat vegetables and meat, cooking them only briefly, meaning they make salads and fry them. Sweets are baked from flour, decorated with fruit. In America, the trend is the opposite. Here they love some chips of a million kinds, semi-finished products of a billion kinds, and all sorts of plastic for dessert. And I'm not exaggerating about the plastic.
Here, for example, are two favorite American treats. They taste exceptionally plastic. The first is twizzlers, which are twisted plastic sticks with licorice. I knew nothing about licorice before, and don't really want to – it sounds way too much like woodlice.
Twizzlers is a brand, there is no specific name for the sticks
The second is plastic beans aka Jelly Beans. The beans are hard on the outside, chewy on the inside, made of sugar and thickeners. There are a million different flavors, and they all cost the same. You pour the ones you like yourself from a box with a chute, similar to the ones we use for coffee beans. We probably have beans too, but in America they are consumed much more heavily. Out of all the presidents, Americans love Reagan the most, and Reagan loved Jelly Belly brand plastic beans. To such an extent that in 1983 he even sent them to space as a surprise for the astronauts.
Jelly Belly, that is, a popular brand of plastic beans.
You can eat the beans separately, or you can combine a few with different flavors, creating “dishes” of different “tastes”. Here is a picture for clarity.
How can a bean taste like a carbonated drink? It's also funny how a strong cherry flavor is called exactly that: Very Cherry, which means “Very cherry”.
Fruit salad made of candy – only Americans could come up with something like that.
And the banana split, which we are already familiar with.
Pudding. By the way, in the US they aren't as nasty as ours. I don't remember where I ate it, but I liked it.
Smoothie, we know that one too.
Muffins and bagels – this is what even Russians call them, having long forgotten proper speech. But in reality, they are just cupcakes and donuts. By the way, they are quite decent, there are many kinds: cheese, with berries, etc.
How can one not say after this that Americans love to simplify everything and take it to extreme kitsch, I don't know. However, I did like these candies. Traditional desserts in the US, on the other hand, leave much to be desired. If you want a tasty cake or pastry, you have to go to a “European” bakery, which is quite pricey. By the way, I just remembered – in every eatery, alongside sugar, there are several sugar substitutes – you can grab the one whose aftertaste makes you the least nauseous. And the packaging is the same colors all across America, so you don't even have to read. Personally, I find saccharin, aspartame, and sucralose aka splenda disgusting, although I haven't tried much of the latter. However, recent studies show that people who consume substitutes do not lose weight, but on the contrary, gain it. The secret is that they consciously or subconsciously make up for it with larger portions of other food.
There are 5 sugar substitutes approved in America, but dozens exist
Drinks, naturally, are also processed a hundred times. For instance, at Woodman's I bought a coffee drink by Cinnabon in an aluminum can. It's tasty, similar to coffee condensed milk. True, there's a terrifying amount of sugar in it. Coffee is already a processed product, and here's another step. And they're like that with everything.
Cinnabon. Not to be confused with cinnamon – it's called cinnamon.
By the way, I forgot to mention. Because of this whole economy mode, Woodman's doesn't even have a proper website – just a business card with addresses. Also, by the way, at Woodman's we bought photo postcards with views of Wisconsin and lottery tickets, which you can check after the drawing using a progressive method – with a laser scanner at the point of sale. That way you'll know for sure whether you won or not, no need to listen to the TV/radio. Alas, to me it said “Not a winner”, which I already know perfectly well myself.